BibleWorks turned 20 this year! To celebrate, we held a birthday contest. Your response has been overwhelming! Thank you for your many, many entries.
The winning entries made us laugh, exuded enthusiam, and sparkled with wit. It was hard to pick only two winners, but we've included some of our favorite runners-up below (may the consolation of fame and earthly praise ease the sting of any disappointment).
Here are the runners-up:
Many late hours of study
Poring over hundreds of texts
Desiring my dear electronic buddy
Without it, I'd be perplexed.
Please parse these petty participles. Their peculiar placement per Peshitta provisions provide painful and petrifying periods of perplexity and puzzlement.
- Jeremiah H.
...because I serve a group of young, audacious folk who know just enough Greek to be dangerous. I need reinforcements!
- Nathan M.
Good thing you're not dealing with old, audacious folk!
I am just a simple cowboy pastor, who has used the old copy wearing it out. Time for the new!
- Robert R.
Happy trails, partner!!
If I bring home one more book to add to my prodigious Presbyterian library, I can expect the Spanish Inquisition.
- Kristen P.
BibleWorks comes on 3 DVDs. They are very slim and can easily be smuggled in a coat pocket.
Bibleworks 9 is the final piece needed in my master plan to dominate the world through original languages and exegesis.
- Justin E.
But can you hold on to it once you gain it?
I am a fraud. All my Greek expertise comes from Bibleworks, though no one knows this. Please consider. -- D. Wallace
- Andy H.
This quote is apocryphal!
Poor penuried parson prefers practical PC programme providing particulars pertaining per parsing participles. Pleading probono present perchance? Perhaps premier pick?
- Peter O.
Peter Piper picked it.
Without Bibleworks – suspended above the abyss of ignorance by a thread
With Bibleworks – inflatable clown on the mountain of hope
- Brandon K.
Please send a photo.
Josh covets my Bibleworks since I talk about it so much. Help him not sin by giving him a copy!
- Trevor W.
Are you leading him into temptation?
Just got my NT essay back and yeah... let's just say this would definitely come in handy at college.
- Joshua G.
Some spirit explained that, with BibleWorks, I would instantly become the greatest theologian ever. I intend to prove it wrong.
- Josiah H.
Two Bachelor's; two Master's---My wife said I can celebrate my second doctorate with second wife. I need an alternative.
- Ace C.
Um. BibleWorks does not provide marriage counseling.
For my father who studies the Scriptures,
In Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek,
BibleWorks would be apposite,
Resourcing this loveable geek!
- Hannah S.
Dear Bible Works, remember helping me pass Hebrew? When we church planted? How about post-graduation when you started charging me?
- Noah S.
This sounds manipulative. Perhaps that's why she dropped you?
And here are our winners!
Keep his research tedious.
Nanosecond-searches are dangerous.
Worse, they reveal the Enemy's treasures.
- Ed G.
Because there is something deliciously ironic about being able to read about the Tower of Babel in forty different languages.
- Oren H.
For your amusement, here are more of our favorite entries:
Lost: Bibleworks Lady. Long lexical legs, gracious grammatical grin. Last seen wearing Peshitta pajamas. Responds to "Codexia." Reward: Ten Shekels.
- Melanie H.
BibleWorks: (noun) – 1) an electronic exegetical resource; 2) that which both lazy students and well established academics have in common.
- Mark S.
Polish people await their fate,
Without Bibleworks I cannot translate,
Someone is liable,
If they don't get their Polish Bible!
- Brent R.
It's not our fault! Really!
Oh, please let me have it.
It's not a bad habit.
You want something funny.
I don't have the money!
- Beau P.
I love ice cream.
I love the Cleveland Browns.
If I don't have BibleWorks,
I'm really going to be down.
- Beauetta P.
Beau P. is down, too.
I nd bblwrks sftwr fr bblcl xgss nd rsrch t hlp m lrn t trnslt th hbrw scrptrs nt nglsh.
- Bridgette H.
Used to stay up late
Studying books to teach great
Then got the Bibleworks mate
Now I need the update
- Kurt M.
Are not birthdays meant for celebrating the living? Nevermind. Congratulations for giving CPR to these dead languages for 20 years.
- Stephen S.
Did you know they teach only continual compressions now?
Happy birthday to you
20 years studying one great Jew
With the Hebrew and the Greek
And the Septuagint too.
- Leanne D.
[TRADEMARK] is confusing
E-Sword is a bore
But I've been loving BibleWorks
I think I need an update
- James M.
I want to age well with God's Word. Give me Bibleworks and a nosehair-trimmer and all shall work out right!
- Jim S.
Please do not send a photo.
BibleWorks is so tremendous,
Really, it's super stupendous.
Quell my unease,
upgrade me please.
Keep my teaching from being horrendous.
- Joshua K.
χρείαν ἔχω ταχέως τι εὑρεῖν
Much less of a pain
With much better gain
χρήσωμαι Bibleworks 9 εἰς τὸ ποιεῖν…
Oh, the doggerel!
- Greg H.
I once was King James Only,
And thought I was complete.
I've since seen through that error,
BibleWorks is sweet!
- Thomas S.
What's wrong with King James Only?
Delving into a doctorate
Exegesis is the key
Bibleworks has the tools I need
Is there a copy for me?
- Jeanette H.
- Wes S.
Dusting, dusting, dusting all kinds of reference works--that's why I need a copy of Bibleworks for my pastoral husband.
- Ginny S.
If you're dusting them, he's not using them.
The congregation I serve has prayed for twenty years that God will improve my preaching. BibleWorks could answer their prayers!
- Clark K.
I am but a thirsting Biblical Studies major, wandering in the desert of car payments and student debt, seeking relief.
- John F.
Oh, wretched man that I am without Bibleworks! Having it would be like new birth amidst a choir of orangutans!
- Stephen L.
Are they singing, or just wearing robes?
To find the fib in Mephibosheth, the hair in Mahershalalhashbaz, the bath in Bathsheba, and the abs in Absalom. Thanks.
- Cory C.
It was not good for the impoverished seminary student to be alone, so God made her a suitable helper: BibleWorks.
- Kalyn R.
Because all my brain cells are like parking spaces. The good ones are gone and the rest are all handicapped.
- Jason W.
And no valet service at the front entrance!
Proverbs 23:23 tells us to buy the truth, which Bibleworks® contains,
But because of our economy, my billfold's really strained.
- Robert M.
We accept credit cards.
Do not be too proud of this technological terror that you have constructed. BibleWorks9 will soon be in my hands.
- Kevin Y. (for Darth V.)
Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not secured the missing plans.
Twenty years, congratulations!
Holy writ for every nation
I'm two behind with version seven
Winning nine would feel like heaven
- Pira T.
During those awkward pauses in conversation with your new baby at 3am, Bibleworks provides a constant resource for stimulating discussion.
- Andrew T.
My wife and I are both in seminary. She has a better GPA. I need to catch up.
- Sean M.
You mean you wouldn't share it with her? Or is she not sharing with you?
Four years ago my family was kidnapped by ninjas. The ransom note is in Koine. Please, help save my family.
- John S.
BibleWorks does not translate from Koine to Japanese.
θερε ωας α γραδυατε βοι
ωὁσε εξεγεσις λαχκεδ ἰοι
μορε αχχομπλισημεντς δονε
βρινγινγ νεαρερ θε Σον
βιβλεωορκς, τοολς ἑʼλλ εμπλοι
- Alan G.
Thank you for not submitting this in Hebrew.
Criticism, trends, and sources;
they've got me so confused.
To get through all my courses,
I need BibleWorks… or booze.
- Daniel M.
Booze will not remove the confusion.
As a pastor doing exegesis,
I'm using slow old releases.
So BibleWorks, rescue me please!
- Peter W.
Wife says if I buy it she gets a baby. Help a poor seminary brother out!
- Steven C.
Why not both?
Urim and Thummim, my handy friends, you've helped me exegete.
Until I won BibleWorks 9, which made my life complete.
- Joel P.
You were exegeting using a Urim and Thummim??
I have BibleWorks 5 that's used every day. But BibleWorks 9 would be better if I didn't have to pay.
- Ron N.
BibleWorks would be the answer to my dreams,
If you sent it this way from here you'd hear my screams.
- Lidia M.
Bible Works is to my steadily maturing brain what a handicapped parking spot is to my maturing body - easier access!
- Dale J.
For your protection. I am well on my way to becoming a dangerous heretic without BibleWorks. I need serious study.
- Aaron F.
Please wait 20 years before publishing anything.
I heard it will help me impress the ladies. And it's easier than weightlifting.
- David R.
I'm sorry... but it will not help you impress the ladies. There are some men it will impress, though.
I need a copy of BibleWorks so I can pretend to be as smart as my students at Southwestern Seminary.
- Kevin S.
You are honest and humble. They will appreciate that.
Flat broke student with computer
Needs a language troubleshooter.
B-works 8 is great but cruder.
Please confer a fresh rebooter!
- Randal M.
New Testament scholars
ridicule my lack of dollars;
unable to buy BibleWorks Nine,
on lowly Seven I must dine.
- Michael L.
BibleWorks Three secured me.
BibleWorks Four opened many doors.
Now with Seven, pure heaven.
Having BibleWorks Nine would be sublime.
- Paul S.
Winning Bibleworks will enable me to fulfill my INTJ dreams of total world domination in the most economical way possible.
- Russel A.
You're trying to take over the world AND save money?
My friend will beg you to let me win this since I've been using her BibleWorks everyday for five months.
- Jeffrey S.
I'm a missionary. No home. No car. No toothbrush. No toilet. No deodorant. No library. No problem! No BibleWorks? Catastrophic!
- Keith C.
Sell the computer and get a toilet.
Right divide the word of God,
Hebrew, Greek together,
Quickest search and Bible tools,
- Viacheslav K.
I once sold bibleworks, biggest mistake of my life, can not live without it, so scared to tell my wife!
- Chad M.
We have sent an email to tell her. You have nothing to fear anymore.
Because I've been using Strong's and need Bibleworks9 to help stop all of those doomsday cults I started with it.
- Bryan H.
Please do not publish anything for the next twenty years.
Why I need A Copy of BibleWorks (To the Tune of Jesus Loves Me)
didoskeiv koinē agapō,
'cause BibleWorks makes parsing flow;
BibleWorks is worth a grand,
But give an adjunct prof a hand!
- Jillian R.
BibleWorks research is easy.
It keeps me up late,
(my wife has to wait)
but my six-dot-oh is so cheesy.
- Tim W.
I would be able to get more quality alone time, if I were to win Bibleworks for my studious husband.
- Kristen S.
How can we say no?
BibleWorks makes me look smarter then I really are and Lord knows I need all the hep I kin git.
- Glenn M.
BibleWorks! MUST own!
Many nights are blown
that unrelenting query,
ending the taunting quest,
head... down...for.... rest!
- Jennifer L.
must... fight... global war... against... poor exegesis..., so tired... please assist by sending... powerful search... engine and... analysis tools... (GASP!)
- Milt J.
Ask me to show you a man who stands no chance and I will show a PHD student without BibleWorks9.
- Matthew H.
Happy birthday to you You belong in the pew Pastors love to parse Greek verbs And some laymen do to
- Glenn C.
I need to get my teeth into Bibleworks. I have two bad cavities: Hebrew and Greek decay. I need fillings.
- Jim B.
Drill down into the text with Bibleworks (now with Tooth Whiteners)!
The end comes. I can't stop the Hebrew Lemmas. We cannot get out. They are coming. Search for your lives!
- Ryan H.
Drumming, drumming, drumming....
I need this to keep me from breaking the tenth commandment: do not covet thy neighbor's wife, donkey, or BibleWorks!
- Brian S.
If BibleWorks were mine,
Then I could spend less time
Parsing, searching, typing texts,
And hone my gift of rhyme.
- Eric S.
I'm searching for you. Can you search for me? I don't have the money to upgrade, unless you are free.
- Si C.
I need Bibleworks to climb the lexical mountains, sail the scriptural seas, conquer villainous vocabulary, and obtain the exegetical victory!
- Robert M.
Bibleworks creates ease of study
Now my messages are no longer muddy.
Bibleworks packs a punch
Sermons done by lunch!
- Kim B.
Time for gardening!
A husband, dad, and church plant pastor.
My study tools, a disaster.
So BibleWorks, please,
Help me study more, FASTER!
- Dan G.
I need a copy of BibleWorks 9 because, to a busy pastor, your software comes close to qualifying as a means of grace.
- Lou V.
I couldn't find that in the Westminster Standards.
Blast these blazing bibliographic blunders! In your blithe benefaction, Bibleworks, bless me with brilliant benefits and bountiful biblical bliss. Bravo!
- Tash K.
I have been using Bibleworks since it was a baby and now, I would like the young adult version.
- Franklin J.
But WHO changed the diapers in the early years?